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The Docket โ†’ Courtroom Humor

Courtroom Humor

โ€œJudge: "I'll give you ten days or fifty dollars."โ€

Defendant: "I'll take the fifty dollars, Your Honor."

โ€œLawyer: "What is your date of birth?" Witness: "July 15th." Lawyer: "What year?"โ€

Witness: "Every year."

โ€œLawyer: "Now, Mrs. Johnson, how was your first marriage terminated?" Witness: "By death."โ€

Lawyer: "And by whose death was it terminated?"

โ€œLawyer: "What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?"โ€

Witness: "Gucci sweats and Reeboks."

โ€œLawyer: "Were you present when your picture was taken?"โ€

Witness: "...Are you serious?"

โ€œLawyer: "Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice I sent to your attorney?"โ€

Witness: "No. This is just how I dress when I go to work."

โ€œLawyer: "Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?"โ€

Witness: "All of them. The live ones tend to put up a fight."

โ€œJudge: "Have you anything to offer this court before I pass sentence?"โ€

Defendant: "No, Your Honor. My attorney took my last dollar."

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