“Judge: "I'll give you ten days or fifty dollars."”
Defendant: "I'll take the fifty dollars, Your Honor."
“Lawyer: "What is your date of birth?" Witness: "July 15th." Lawyer: "What year?"”
Witness: "Every year."
“Lawyer: "Now, Mrs. Johnson, how was your first marriage terminated?" Witness: "By death."”
Lawyer: "And by whose death was it terminated?"
“Lawyer: "What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?"”
Witness: "Gucci sweats and Reeboks."
“Lawyer: "Were you present when your picture was taken?"”
Witness: "...Are you serious?"
“Lawyer: "Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice I sent to your attorney?"”
Witness: "No. This is just how I dress when I go to work."
“Lawyer: "Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?"”
Witness: "All of them. The live ones tend to put up a fight."
“Judge: "Have you anything to offer this court before I pass sentence?"”
Defendant: "No, Your Honor. My attorney took my last dollar."
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