One-Liners
“What do you call a lawyer who doesn't chase ambulances?”
Retired.
§ Today's case
Joke of the day
“A lawyer opened his car door just as a truck tore it clean off. "Officer, look what they did to my Mercedes!" he wailed. The cop shook his head. "You lawyers are so materialistic. You didn't even notice your arm got ripped off."”
The lawyer looked down and screamed, "My Rolex!"
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One-Liners
“How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?”
His lips are moving.
One-Liners
“What do lawyers wear to court?”
Lawsuits.
One-Liners
“I broke a mirror the other day and I'm supposed to get seven years of bad luck.”
But my lawyer thinks he can get me five.
One-Liners
“How many lawyer jokes are there?”
Only three. The rest are true stories.
One-Liners
“What's the difference between a good lawyer and a great lawyer?”
A good lawyer knows the law. A great lawyer knows the judge.
One-Liners
“Why don't sharks attack lawyers?”
Professional courtesy.
One-Liners
“What's the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo?”
The lawyer charges more.
One-Liners
“What do you call a smiling, sober, courteous person at a bar association convention?”
The caterer.
One-Liners
“What's the difference between a lawyer and an accountant?”
The accountant knows he's boring.
One-Liners
“Why did the lawyer bring two suits to court?”
In case he got sued.
One-Liners
“What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?”
A vampire only sucks blood at night.
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