“A lawyer saw a car accident and rushed over, handing out business cards. Someone asked, "Are you an ambulance chaser?"”
"No," he said. "The ambulance was too fast, so I came straight here."
“A client asked his lawyer, "How much do you charge?" "Five hundred dollars for three questions," the lawyer replied. "Isn't that awfully expensive?"”
"Yes," said the lawyer. "Now, what's your third question?"
“A lawyer, a doctor, and a priest walk into a bar. The bartender looks up and says:”
"What is this, some kind of joke?"
“Satan offered a lawyer the deal of a lifetime: win every case, make partner in a year, retire a billionaire at forty-five. "In return, I get the souls of your wife, your kids, and your parents."”
The lawyer thought for a long moment, then asked: "Okay... but what's the catch?"
“An engineer, a physicist, and a lawyer were each asked, "What is two plus two?" The engineer said "About four." The physicist said "Between 3.99 and 4.01."”
The lawyer locked the door, drew the blinds, leaned in close and whispered, "What do you want it to be?"
“A lawyer died at forty and stood before St. Peter. "There must be a mistake," he protested. "I'm far too young to be here."”
St. Peter checked his ledger. "According to the hours you've billed, you're ninety-seven."
“Two lawyers were in a bank when robbers burst in. As the robbers grabbed everyone's wallets, one lawyer quietly pressed something into the other's hand. "What's this?" the second whispered.”
"The hundred bucks I owe you."
“A small town had one lawyer, and he was starving — no business at all. Then a second lawyer moved into town.”
Now they're both doing great.
“A man told his lawyer, "I'd like to make a will, but I don't know where to start." The lawyer smiled. "Don't worry. Just leave it all to me."”
The man frowned. "I knew lawyers were greedy, but that's a bit much."
“A lawyer opened his car door just as a truck tore it clean off. "Officer, look what they did to my Mercedes!" he wailed. The cop shook his head. "You lawyers are so materialistic. You didn't even notice your arm got ripped off."”
The lawyer looked down and screamed, "My Rolex!"
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